Skating is a Heathenous Pursuit

I am trying, ladies and gentlemen.

God I need to marry a man who can ice skate, who can teach me…and who won’t be horribly appalled at how less than mediocre at it I am.

It’s only my second try though! And I was actually able to hold myself on ONE skate at a time. Last time I went around the rink it only took one…ok, two minutes.

This is progress people! Baby steps, damn it!

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Edit: Shortly after posting this little nugget, I actually started getting the hang of it. Until this happened.


Yes, without a partner, whilst in full forward momentum mode, my toe pick caught on the ice, resulting in my right foot literally disappearing from under me, followed by my upper half careening forward until I was tits down, skidding across the ice with my hands flat before me. Afterward, I lied on my back and laughed for a minute, having managed to travel a couple yards on my belly. Thank god I closed my jacket beforehand! I would have had a sore tummy!

I laughed for about ten minutes afterward, thanking christ that it had been me and not someone in my vicinity who managed to bite it with such panache. I literally would have peed myself if I saw someone else do it… And let’s be real, thank god the camera hasn’t arrived yet, otherwise it would have been recording.

Just wait for Snowboarding season, ladies and gentlemen. I’m gonna try…and I’m gonna fail!

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